Below is a piece that I wrote almost exactly two years ago—wow! It feels like 3 months ago and 5 yrs ago at the same time.
The movers were scheduled to be coming in about a week from this writing, and we would be moving for the 2nd time in two years. This time from Hawaii to Oklahoma City.
Gosh, as I read this piece over again I’m aware that at the time I didn’t know that beyond the “usual” for this move, I would also get COVID (like one of the bad versions with a fever and other yuck, not just a sore throat that felt like a “cold” or “allergies”.) In technicality I was at the 5 day mark when people were allowed to travel, or whatever the guidelines were at the time. But even with it technically being “okay.” My body was telling me otherwise. Had this been a “regular” trip I would have cancelled, but since we were actually moving, it wasn’t like I could just reschedule for the next week.
And it wasn’t just me traveling. There was the husband, the two teenagers, about 15 suitcases and totes, and the dog in tow. Giving my body the gift of being able to just stay in bed and recuperate was NOT an option.
As I reflect on what I wrote, it makes me realize that sometimes we don’t even know why we get that inner inclination to “just be still”. The brain is pretty trained at knowing when it’s “okay to rest”, or be still, or still-er. There are certain cues that seem to tell our brain when it’s “okay”, like at the end of the day. Or after a long week, or after an exhausting something or other. And since our brain is pretty good at making “sense” of these times, there isn’t so much resistance to giving in.
But when I’ve gotten an inner nudge to “be still” and it doesn’t coincide with a cue that my brain has not previously “validated” (like a parking ticket), then there’s resistance! And when I look back and reflect on that inner nudge to be still when I wrote this, it’s really as if my future self was reaching back to say: “slow down tiger. It’s gonna get tricky, so you might as well rest while you can!”
Whatever “self” it is, my brain chatter about why I shouldn’t just be still is starting to be a bit less imposing, even now when there is NO impending move coming up. And I could in theory have the capacity to “speed up” again and be “super productive”, but I can sense that inner voice encouraging times of stillness. Even if my future self isn’t trying to send a life jacket to my current self, allowing stillness still seems “productive”.
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Still-ing
Still-ing, still-ing…That’s all I seem to want to do right now…
In this quiet, there is still activity. The windows are open. I feel the breeze which is SO delightful—it’s clear, fresh, and cool. I hear chimes softly and un-rhythmically bumping into each other…
I could be walk-ing, or launder-ing, or sort-ing…
Parts of me wants to be socialize-ing with a calendar full of things to attend to.
Instead even as an extrovert- most of me, though, is just crave-ing still-ing…
My mug next to me says: “Be still and know…” I guess in “being still” maybe I am actually “do-ing”- maybe it’s because there’s a feeling of activity in this intentionality…
But next week the movers come and then I will be busy again- unbox-ing, unwrap-ing, sort-ing, figure-ing, organize-ing and the still-ing will be non-existent again.
This still-ing used to feel more uncomfortable, more unfamiliar, more annoying, more distrusting, more aggravating, more unsettling…
But as I reflect back over our last few moves I realize this still-ing is kinda my jam for the first few months into a move.
The wave of transition, from our move from Germany to here in Hawaii, is finding its settling as the tumultuous sea has thrust the water and sand and shells and rocks and ocean animals into turmoil, but then is receding and allowing everything that got hurled around to find its grounding again. The pause…The pause or lull between the waves crashing and the different stages of transition in a move…Because as I can sense it, another large wave is just over the horizon…
The “be still and know” mug, sitting on my windowsill is reminding me of the wisdom of still-ing and know-ing in my current moment.
It’s reminding me that at the right time I will be do-ing again. Meet-ing, inspire-ing, motivate-ing and smile-ing. But for now, sigh-ing, breath-ing, listen-ing, and still-ing are all that my current state of be-ing is requesting of me.
—- —- —- —— —-
…After so many moves as a military family, people have often said to me: “oh, you’re moving again? Well you must be used to that by now. I can’t imagine packing and unpacking my house up as much as you have, but you must have a system by now. I’m sure it’s easy for you.” And I have responded, “no, it’s never easy. I’m just more used to the feelings of overwhelm and discomfort it causes.”
And I have also learned more about what my needs are when things feel tumultuous when we move, or when there is another big transition I’m going through. And…being still is 100% one of my needs. It’s a time for me to literally stop moving- not just so that my body can physically rest, but so that my mind and my emotions can catch up with myself. It’s a time for me to connect to my Self and to the Divine.
…And when I’m in bed during these overwhelming times, focusing on physical rest, but my mind won’t shut down, I say this mantra over and over again. It definitely has helped me to be still and lean into the quiet of the night.
Be Still and Know
Be Still
Be
Be
Be Still
Be Still and Know