Fall-ing Into Consistency

Changing my definition of "consistency" from a goal to a state of mind...

Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

Consistency isn’t a goal, or so I’ve come to realize these last couple of months.

Consistency is actually a state of mind.

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…I don’t know about you, but when Fall comes, I somehow fall into (haha- pun intended) a pattern of some finger pointing self talk such as: I need to get back to being consistent again. As if somehow I totally “fell off the wagon” or something during the summer. I get into a mindset that if I’m not being “consistent” then I’ll be “breaking my streak”, or “oh no, if I don’t do ‘it’ this time then I won’t ever get back to it”. I feel this dread of needing to “start over”, as if taking a “break” was taking a step backwards. Goodness…

Yes it is true that I was doing different things over the summer. But I was also doing those things consistently, actually! I was consistently making time for my own peace, time for my family, and even if I didn’t have writing deadlines (see this post on “rest”), I was writing- just different writing. 

So this time when Fall came I realized that I was somehow shaming myself into being consistent. I needed to be consistent with exercise, with eating healthier, and with my writing. And then somehow being consistent felt like it became THE goal. In that mindset it felt to me that “being consistent” meant something I had to do ALL.THE.TIME! And it was just TOO.MUCH. I’d be so distracted by this mental check list always staring me down: are you being consistent?!!!

And that’s when I asked myself what “being consistent” actually means to me, and is setting those “goals” really what is important to me? First I questioned, does being consistent mean I do it every day? Every week? Does it mean I do something “regularly”? What truly is my goal? Is that even a thing? And yeah, at this point in my life, what am I really trying to “reach” anyway? Is it the reaching itself that feels fulfilling???

I continued the stream of thought: Am I not putting myself first? My interests and needs first? Because when I’m not doing those “things”, I realized I am actually still doing other important things. I mean there have been times when I’m not, of course. But in terms of what I had done over the summer yes they were actually important, even if I wasn’t going by a checklist or something tangible.

Soooo…here’s my revised meaning of consistency and what it means to me to be consistent…in a mindful way…

A mindset of consistency allows for days or periods of time when I don’t do the “thing”, but then also know that there is the intention to come back to it when I can. It’s also a mindset of doing whatever it is mostly- but not always all the time…

This consistency allows for ebb and flow, while still keeping an intentionality and a desire to do the things close to my heart. It allows for me to do what I can when I can, instead of demanding I do it simply because I’m supposed to or I “should”. This kind of consistency doesn’t have judgement- just understanding and empathy. It’s not a way to absolve me of commitment, but it does acknowledge my different capacities from transition to transition. Whether that is from season to season, day to day, or life issue to life issue. It understands that priorities can change- and that is okay.

A mindset of consistency is like having guardrails instead of rigid roadblocks. It feels like a sport coach that will run with me, and not just stand on the sidelines with a stop watch keeping track of my time. These guardrails remind me: hey have you done the “thing” a few times this week? Or month? It’s like a gentle checking in, hey, how’s it going?, from a friend, instead of a reminder alarm going off. This way of being also allows for me showing up in different ways and it doesn’t have to be all the things all the time. 

So I made a bit of soul-deal with myself. It goes like this: as long as I consistently circle back to what’s important to me in my overall well-being (mind, body, and spirit wise) then I know I’ll be moving in the overall best direction. 

Truly what feels right about this new meaning of consistency is, as I continue to let myself go through a transition of settling (into my middle-aged self), it feels maintainable and sustainable, and most importantly authentic to really what I desire. 

So recently when I do the “thing”, it’s just like, oh hey, yeah, let’s do that again. That’s what I want to do. The interesting thing is that once I started giving myself permission for this ebb and flow, the “thing” seems to happen more often. I think it’s because I’ve let flexibility in. Now that’s consistency I can actually be consistent about. 

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*Side note: One reason I haven’t been writing as much as I want to here, is because I’ve been writing my book manuscript! More to come about that soon! :)

**Also, if you are new to me, please click here for a list of my previous posts…