Ice-Cream and Maycember
How I cope with making decisions and busy times!
I showed up at my writing workshop last night…
The prompt was, “torn”. Something that was torn- like a piece of paper, or something was torn apart…
Even after the moderator brought us through a relaxing meditation, my mind just could not think or feel into that word. Often it does, like when I see the gorgeous and unique scissor tail bird- the state bird of Oklahoma- fly by. My attention just follows its really cool wide and delicate shaped wings and I hear its pretty voice. I’ll often just stop jogging and watch it land on the nearby branch. Same thing with these writing workshops. The prompt will often just hook my brain in a way that makes all other prior thinking just cease. But in this writing session I just could not relax into what wanted to come out.
So I put my pen to the paper and started with: I don’t know what to write about the word “torn”. And then somehow my brain went to a different definition of the word “torn”. Instead of thinking about physically tearing something, this is what followed…And in the end I got my answer as to why I couldn’t seem to relax into the writing session to begin with—maybe you will relate too…
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Well, I guess I have been “torn” before- like torn between decisions, between two parts of my heart and brain that both seem to cheer the other on. Like in a game of supportive sports- not competitive sports, I guess…
Those times of feeling torn between two decisions is tricky. It’s SO much easier when I just know or feel like one answer, one desire, one decision is 100% the way to go. There are also the times when my heart and mind are split. At those times I can intentionally decide- “okay, heart, I’m going to listen to you.” Or, “okay, brain, I’m going to listen to you this time.” And then the other sort of relents.
But geez, when there are two choices that my heart and mind both want to do- then…ugh!!
The ONLY time that this sort of situation is almost ideal is when I’ve been at the ice-cream shop! I will get all excited about the plethora of choices, but I’m able to quickly narrow it down to usually two choices: mocha, coffee, or cappuccino chip, and mint chocolate chip. Then I can say to the ice-cream person, “can I have a sample of the coffee chip”, for example. And often just even having the sample allows me to get just the taste I wanted—and I choose the other flavor, with no qualms at all!
But anyway, back to those times NOT involving ice cream choices when I feel torn about a decision…I think probably the most helpful thing I’ve learned when I’m feeling torn between two decisions, is to take THAT PAUSE…I actually allow myself to NOT make a decision between the two choices.
Mmm…well, then I guess in those times, I’m making a third decision— to NOT choose at the moment. Or maybe it’s really like I’m putting in a bookmark, and closing the book on one of those old “chose your own adventure” books I used to love to read when I was younger. And then again similar to choosing between two beloved ice-cream flavors, I would always kinda cheat, because I’d go back and then read the other adventure anyway!
…Interesting that my mind is going to choosing ice-cream flavors and choose your own adventure books. They seem fun, easy. There’s no real life big consequences in those examples.
Trying to get into the space of feeling into a time when I was really torn between two important things feels a bit heavy at the moment. Kind of like when I have a free night to myself and can watch whatever movie I want to, and I chose the more light-hearted show to watch.
Yep, I can see why actually. [My pen comes off the paper for a moment and then I continue writing.] Maycember did me in this year. A month of too many busy things happening—too many choices to make…No wonder why I don’t feel like thinking about anything too heavy!… I’m looking forward to June which feels A LOT more open with much fewer things going on to feel torn about choosing between…
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One thing I learned in Maycember, in terms of transitions, is that my busy times also need time to transition into and out of. My schedule is now not packed with activities, and I really just want to get back to doing what I want to do. But I realized I can’t jump into them without as they say, filling my tank up first. This writing workshop, for me- even though it took me more time than usual to get going, was one way to do that. Here’s to you also finding rejuvenating ways to refill you up from your Maycember or other busy time BEFORE you jump back into what you want to do…
* Maycember for those unfamiliar with the new-to-me as of last year term—the month of the year that feels as busy as December…
** If you are new to me, click here to go to all my other writing…