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Oh man, recently I find I’m often losing a word I’m trying to say! It’s like a leaf that was on my arm and then a gust of wind comes and just takes it away. That gaul of that wind to just take the leaf away! The leaf had already chosen me and now the wind just thinks it can take it away!
That was my leaf! Just like the word was my word- my thought, my feeling! And the gaul of the word thief to just take it away like that! I mean that word thief just kinda hangs out right where I can sense its presence but can’t make out the whole word. Just like a burglar around the corner of the building- you can see it’s shape but can’t identify the face!
Other times, it feels like the word is floating around like in a bubble or cloud—both hiding the actual word. And I get this feeling like I could just reach out and pop that bubble or blow through the cloud, and that word will appear! Kind of like the burglar around the corner—if he/she would just take off the mask!
Goodness! It is just so disorientating because just when I thought I had this GREAT thing to express, it’s suddenly gone! Poof! It’s usually a good word too—it feels like the best one possible actually! No other word will do. It’s never a boring word like: “the”, or “and” or even a mediocre word like “terrific”! And NO other word will do either!
At the same time, it’s like I can’t move forward in the conversation—there’s this pause while my brain is legit clambering around for just how to continue! Even though the other person is often being polite giving me some time to see if I can find the word, I can feel the anticipation of he or she wanting to hear what I was going to say or then the pressure to move on if the word doesn’t come back!
Usually I do just resign myself to saying another word—like a place keeper. But that other word is definitely a second-hand-other-word. (Even though truth be told I do like getting things second hand, especially antiques and vintage furniture and cool clothes. My mom mostly shops in 2nd hand clothing places now as a way to stop buying new things all the time which I kinda admire actually….)
But anyway, second-hand words—no they’re not so cool!
And alas when it doesn’t appear, my mind relinquishes itself to moving along in the conversation or the thought. Kind of like a child skipping along, getting distracted by a cool rock, and then just getting back on the path to trot along.
Oh, but then there are those times when the word does come back to me—visible and tangible like a shooting star—and I feel a sense of EUREKA! And all is right in the world again! It becomes this empowering sense of feeling like I am ready to take on the day! I feel like I’ve gone through the telephone booth from Clark Kent to Superman- and here I come with my fantastic word or thought to share with the world—or at least to my friend that I’m on the phone with!
Mmmm, maybe I should lose words my often, on second thought, because when I’ve lost them and gotten them back, it almost feels better than when I’ve just chatted along in the conversation like nothing happened! Like I’ve taken that word for granted! Wow…
Well, okay, you know what? I’ll just try and go along with that philosophy about love and letting go…“if you love something, let it go. And if it was meant to be it’ll come back…” Because by golly, in that moment, that word or thought or idea, does feel like love because I can be so infatuated and attached to it! Like, I gotta have it-and now!
Well if I go with that sentiment, then here’s the take-away: ultimately it’s as if the “word thief” helps me to practice not being attached…When I Iose a word or sometimes that thought or point, I need to just let it go like that metaphorical gust of wind—trusting that it will come back if it needs to…And maybe, just maybe an even better word will come along…