Sleep is not Rest
Well, that's only part of the story...
So I was going to explain my absence since my last posting. Then instead of that I was going to write about how many women feel the often compulsory need to explain themselves, (me included), and by example I was going to not explain anything and just jump in with a new story about whatever felt most alive. And then two days ago this came up in my writing group…(As it turns out I get to share a relevant story without actually “explaining myself”. ;))
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Wow, I CANNOT believe that the prompt is: “a time you needed to rest”!
I mean this is what I’ve been studying, practicing like 80% of the summer! I’ve been wanting to write to my readers about this VERY subject for like 8 weeks! But alas every time my brain would suggest to my fingers, get at it- write about rest! That could be great!, my heart or my soul or both would say: nope, not yet. And then my being would sulk back into whatever thing I was sitting on, because yes this dialogue happened probably at least once a week! My brain eventually seemed to silently relent in eye-rolling mode and reply, yes, okay, I know- not yet…
One time I did feel especially pouty over this whole rest thing.
I was sitting on the couch watching re-runs of Royal Pains. My 14 and 16 year old were lounging with me also. While I was simultaneously conversing with my kids about the latest character drama and listening to the show itself, I heard this murmur in the back of my brain: see I am resting; are you happy soul?!
And my soul sternly but compassionately said: actually you might physically be resting, but this chatter in your brain and all this resentment and fussing, I can tell your mind is not resting. You might also be mentally resting from writing deadlines, but clearly your mind is just as active as ever.
It was one of those light bulb moments, when instead of eye-rolling in annoyance, my eyes paused on the up-roll. I inaudibly heard mmmm, well that’s interesting. I guess my mind isn’t resting.
With that new to me knowledge, thank you soul- I took a deeper than usual breath. I shifted my thoughts from resentment about the feeling of the un-productivity of rest, towards the feeling of actually recognizing that I was having a chill moment with my teenagers, watching a show, and relaxing on the couch in the air conditioned living room while it was 104 degrees outside!
Aaaah….rest you’re not so bad after all…And look at that- now I’ve actually written about it!
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Man, let me tell you, that writing session and the prompt suggestion was a VERY satisfying culmination of events for me! This summer I did experience a pretty full on practice of new to me rest. I lad learned to practice what I now realize is the need for “acute rest”, after we moved from Germany to Hawaii in the middle of the pandemic. (Click here for that story.) Earlier this year I wrote about learning to rest in the moment. (Click here for that piece.)
But this was a rest that seemed to feel like a cycle. I learned about my “growth chart” last fall which is the idea that as with weather seasons throughout the year, we each also have seasons/cycles of innately more energy and more productivity, throughout the year as well. For me the winter months happen to be when I am more easily energized. (More or less- I mean I still reallllly enjoy my slow, cozy, cuddled up with a blanket on the couch reading a book days! But more often than not I’m geared up to do and be busy.)
To be clear, though, this summer I did have energy and productivity- it’s just been different. I would say that this energy and productivity was focused more inward and more towards my family. Part of this was from necessity- the kids were home from school, and we all are experiencing adjusting to crazy heat waves when really we have no choice but to conserve our resources. However, in previous years I would have still pushed myself in various ways to actually do more; to write out those goals and check them off the list.
This summer I decided since I had some practice under my belt from these other rest experiences, I would now also surrender to the inner wisdom I was feeling to experience rest in a different way. As I cautiously leaned in, I really did feel like I needed to explain myself to others, and to my brain- all.the.time. Rest just did not make “practical sense”. Those frustrating experiences I described in the piece above were VERY real.
There on the couch when I was feeling frustrated yet again and couldn’t understand why when I thought I was “resting”- and once I realized all I had to do was to let myself just stop fussing and to just be in the moment, then I really felt rest wash over me. It was like I was granted permission or something. Like when I let go of a sky lantern to take flight- I didn’t have to worry about keeping the flame going or holding onto its fragile frame. I could just release it from my grip and marvel at the glow as it lifted up and into the dark sky.
Then the week after I had that moment on the couch, I “somehow” came across this book on rest that described 7 different types of rest! Who knew?! As I mentioned earlier, rest in general is not a new to me concept or practice, but clearly there was some more I needed to learn- A.LOT. more…Knowing that there were so many different ways to rest did give me validation about the discomfort I was feeling and learning about it certainly satisfied my brain’s resistance to the feeling of being “unproductive”.
So here are the 7 distinct ways we all need rest: mental, physical, spiritual, sensory, social, emotional, and creative…No, I’m not going to get into any detail about them now because that just feels like a lot for you and me both! :) And anyway—yes I’m still listening to my soul which is currently saying: take it easy as you transition into more activity…
I’m still trying to figure out exactly how to incorporate these new understandings into my goings and comings, but in the meantime I have felt completely validated for those times I wake up in the morning and still feel tired- “even after 8 hours of sleep.” Or those times when I’m not “doing” anything, but still don’t have energy.
Of course there are biological reasons for not feeling rested or having energy- as we all cope with hormone changes, chronic or acute illnesses, and just general health issues. But now I feel like I have another VERY helpful bag of tools to help me feel more like myself. It’s helped me to truly cope with challenging times just this summer, and to know more about my needs which helps me with boundaries and to be able to navigate my choices.
Rest assured…I will probably go into more of this journey- sharing more stories and hopefully provide helpful tips for those of you who are interested in incorporating more “productive rest” into your life…In the meantime if you relate to any of this, please let me know!
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